I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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