yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
