Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
