my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
