Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
