her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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