theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
