turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
