One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize