Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
