i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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