Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
