i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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