he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
