i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When are your genitals available?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
