You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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