If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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