I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
