This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
