I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
