we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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