maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
