note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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