i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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