I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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