I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
