i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
