Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
