The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
