I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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