so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
