to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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