everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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