her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
