Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
