He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
