I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
