the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
