is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
