very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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