I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
