Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
