I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
