You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize