Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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