And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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