Ambien. No doubt about it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
how drunk are you?
Several
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
