Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
