Screwed.edu
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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