i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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