the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
