no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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