i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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