Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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