Having a random hookup so left but love u
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
