just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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