he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
