I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's like heaven, but drunker
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
