I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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