She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
