I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
