there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
