dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
