Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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