I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
