I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
